7 Habits Of Considerate People
The Huffington Post      | By Alena Hall
"Being considerate of others will take you and your children further in life than any college or professional degree." - Marian Wright Edelman

Edelman, a renowned American activist, not only dedicated her life to fighting for the rights of disadvantaged children, but also served as a strong advocate for acting with consideration toward others. Being considerate, one of the roots of pure kindness, comes in many shapes in sizes. And whether you offer compliments solely for the emotional well-being of others or share what you have without expecting anything in return, it is a sense of civility that drives you to act considerately.

Abdulla M. Abdulhalim, a University of Maryland Ph.D. candidate in pharmaceutical health services research, served as a President's Fellow in 2012. Alongside six others selected for the program, he examined the issue of civility, being considerate, why the two are important and how the university could help address them for society as a whole.

"We like simple definitions," Abdulhalim told The Huffington Post. "Civility really is a more broad term compared to being considerate. Civility is simply just being nice, and it’s not only an attitude of benevolence, thoughtfulness and relating to other individuals. It also entails a real, active interest in the well-being of communities and even concern for the health of the planet. You have to really do an effort in order to be civil. And being considerate is a part of being civil."

Taking a passive approach to behaving with consideration toward others can stem from our subconscious nature rather than intentional actions. However, that doesn't mean we all can't put a little effort toward being more considerate of those and the world around us. Here are seven habits that set considerate -- and civil -- people apart from the rest.

They practice empathy.

empathy

"Always be kind, for everyone is fighting a hard battle." - Plato

It's one thing to harbor a sense of empathy and another to put it into action. Considerate people are not only capable of figuratively putting themselves in other people’s shoes, they also actively choose to view the world beyond themselves. Their sense of compassion for others drives them to connect, and they derive personal joy and satisfaction from this selfless exchange.

"I think when someone is not acting this way, just the behavior itself seems really selfish," said Abdulhalim. "No one will ever understand the perspective of another unless they take that person’s hand and consider things how they see it."

They smile often.

smile

Believe it or not, choosing to smile makes a significant impact on how others perceive you and your presence, not to mention your own mood. According to Abdulhalim, the body uses 42 different small muscles to smile, whereas a frown is the easy default. Make the effort to smile for the positive impact it has on others around you.

Abdulhalim suggests creating a reminder for yourself in developing this habit. "In the entrance of my building here, for example, there’s a big banner that says, ‘Civility, power,’ and different phrases that remind me that I need to smile at the face of a stranger, or maybe open the door for someone whom I don’t know, or maybe let them in the elevator first," he said. "I think it is also very helpful to practice with yourself. If someone looks at themselves in the mirror and they frown or they smile, it’s a huge difference. You’ll realize how you look differently. People just don’t know how they look when they frown or when they give a nice smile."

They are intuitive of other people's needs.

empathy

As you channel your sense of empathy and consider how others around you are feeling, choose to act on that information. You never know, simply asking someone how they're doing -- regardless of its impact on your life -- can do wonders for their mood and self-esteem.

"When you get into the elevator and you have 10 seconds to make a good impression or just remain quiet and look at your cell phone, I think if you ask, 'How is your day?' just to be nice, that’s being considerate," said Abdulhalim. "Let’s face it: Do you really want to know how that person’s day is going? Is it something that would add to or change your life? Especially if that person is a stranger. From the face of it, you really don’t want to know. You just ask the question because you want to make the person in front of you feel like they’re valued. And that’s the point of being considerate in this situation -- it’s not the content of the answer, it’s the intention."

They mind their manners.

listen

"Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use." - etiquette expert Emily Post

Being polite doesn't begin and end with saying please, thank you, and you're welcome. It involves a comprehensive acknowledgement of another person's feelings and behaving accordingly. Follow the golden rule and treat others like you want to be treated -- from being punctual (respecting others' time) to not talking over others (exercising self-control) to actively listening to what others have to say.

"You can’t be considerate if you’re not really listening," said Abdulhalim. "You have to really pay attention and grasp information, and even repeat it within yourself, to then provide feedback based on actual logic. Listen, process, and then act by logic, and pass that logic through empathy rather than blurting it out. Then the answer should come up with logic but in a considerate way."

They put others first... sometimes.

alone

"He who doesn't consider himself is seldom considerate of others." - David Seabury

Selflessness can be a double-edged sword for considerate people. While prioritizing others' needs over our own makes people happy and creates a sense of fulfillment for us, we often lose our ability to take care of ourselves first when necessary and say "no." However, striking that balance is just as important as being considerate in the first place -- otherwise, we fall into the realm of people-pleasing, which leads to a decrease in our own productivity, according to Abdulhalim.

"It’s hard, he said. "But practicing the ‘no’ in smaller situations will help you say ‘no’ in more crucial situations. Practice is very important. The sweet spot is to know when to be considerate of others and when to be considerate of yourself."

They are patient -- even when they don’t feel like it.

patience

Patience is far from a passive characteristic. It can be difficult to come by -- especially when we feel stressed, overwhelmed, and surrounded everywhere by impatience. However, that's all the more reason to find a sense of motivation and work on it.

"Many people I’ve met who are very nice and considerate would actually say, ‘Why should I be considerate when 95 percent of the time I finish last?’" said Abdulhalim. "And I agree with that logic, but you never lose if you are considerate. It depends really on how you look at it. Let’s say you’re civil to someone and they don’t reciprocate. Why don’t you use this as a motive for you to set a better example of how civility is really important for everyone? That goes back to being a positive influence. If you have this positive influence, then you have the motivation to be better and to influence others in a positive way."

They apologize -- but only when warranted.

apology

Some people say "sorry" incessantly for fear of offending others with any and every move they make. Others forgo apologies altogether, coming across as quite rude and insensitive. Similar to the people-pleasing tendencies of kind and considerate people, apologies must find a sense of equilibrium.

"Sorry is a big word," said Abdulhalim. "It means that you’re regretting an action you did. Being considerate means apologizing when you made a mistake and apologizing when you think you’ve made a mistake. But when you’re a people pleaser or overly apologetic, the only person you’re harming is yourself. People pleasers are usually less productive because they may not be available but make time anyway to help another person. Then that person knows they’re always available for them and they keep coming to you."

12 Lessons Life Will Teach You (Sometimes the Hard Way)
Posted: 08/25/2014 11:29 am
I'm a whopping 27 years old (in cat years, I am more). And while I can't compare to the wisdom of sages or Tibetan monks, I've learned a fair share of lessons in my relatively short time on earth. One of the first foresights I came to understand is that, ultimately, we all endure the same hardships: death, betrayal, divorce, heartache, illness, financial struggles -- these are the woes we inevitably awaken to. Next, I learned that I learn best by observing others: I telescope in on their desires and fears, their regrets and mistakes. And while I've made plenty of mistakes myself, I've also refrained from certain critical errors by remembering the consequences I've seen others pay. Sometimes we can know just as much about the battle by watching from a distance as we can by marching into it.

These lessons aren't part of any class curriculum. They are taught between the lines -- picked up through pain and need and faulty action. They are unwavering truths of life we often forget but more often dismiss. Bear in mind these 12 lessons to understand your trials, defeat your challenges and navigate through your circumstances with complete awareness:

Never take what isn't yours. When you take what doesn't belong to you, it will be taken right back from you -- perhaps at a later time or by different means. But what isn't yours won't remain for good. Find people and create things you can truly call your own.

Never compare yourself to anyone. When you compare yourself to another, you dull down your inherent beauty. Be happy for others; let them live their dreams and wish them well. Even if they're on a similar path as you, competition doesn't need to be a factor. Focus only on your own success. The more you harbor envy, animosity, bitterness or frustration against someone for their achievements, the more you stifle your own personal progress. The moment you realize that you are as unique as your thumbprint is the moment you can begin to utilize your inbred talents towards your total benefit.

Timing is everything. Be patient. Look towards the process, not the result. Check in with yourself: Are things slowly but surely moving in the right direction? Know when to act and when to stand still. Stay alert for signs and take opportunities as they are given; if you keep an open mind, you will be shown what to do and when to do it. Timing is everything, and everything in time.

Keep your karma clean. Your karma is not some maleficent force that boomerangs your bad deeds upon you. Your karma is the memory of your soul, of everything good and bad and in-between you've ever thought and done. When you pile up bad karma, you trap yourself in unwanted cycles of behavior. Keeping your karma clean means not causing harm to anyone whether they've caused it to you or not. Be aware of your actions and the impact they have upon others. Act in good faith, always, and you will always be the victor.

Cherish your loved ones. To cherish is not just to love, it is to treasure. You can love someone from a distance, but when you cherish a person you make every effort to be close to them. Care for those around you while you still can. Life has this curious way of causing our dear ones to dwindle in number over time. Embrace the people who are in your life before you are left with the memory of who they were.

Take care of yourself. My dear father smoked himself into an early grave and to a certain extent, I see the tendency to self-destruct in everyone I know. It might be chronic stress, a bad habit of drinking, or lack of exercise, but we all succumb to a vice that causes us more harm than good. Work to extend your life instead of shorten it. Immerse yourself in simple pleasures. Laugh more often. Give your burdens back to the universe; you were not meant to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Because if you don't take care of yourself, who will?

Accept what you can't change. The Serenity Prayer reads, "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." When you tolerate things as they are, and acknowledge that they will modify and mend and begin and end according to the will of the universe, then you will feel true serenity. Your mind and soul are at peace when acceptance is their mediator. Allow situations to unfold in their own natural course. Regardless of whether you do or do not try to influence people and events, everything still comes full circle in the end.

Find your vocation. We are each designated a unique purpose and endowed with the skills needed to carry out our mission. Mine is to write, and perhaps yours is to sing or dance or discover or construct. Whatever your purpose, it is your soulful duty to honor it. A vocation is a calling, and when you act on your calling, no job remains a "job." It becomes a pleasure to work because you are engaged from the seat of your soul, fulfilling your spirit's song and verse. If you know your mission but can't fully immerse in it (maybe it's not financially rewarding), try to practice it as often as possible. You can do volunteer work, have a part time job or take it up as a hobby -- whatever it takes to partake in your predestined quest.

Don't take anything personally. People will offend us and, at times, downright outrage us. Of the partner who betrayed us, we'll wonder: Was I not good enough? Of the best friend who stabbed us in the back, we'll think: How could they do that to me? But personalizing matters only causes unnecessary self-blame. Remember that when someone treats you badly they are fueled by their own unresolved issues and inner problems.

Control your emotions. Our emotions set us apart from animals; we feel our way through this world. And while emotions are the most beautiful element of our being, certain sentiments can be detrimental to our health. Never speak out of anger of act from desperation. Decisions made under extreme emotions are bound to work against us. When we master our emotions, we can decipher what's really in our best interests.

Evolve. The first law of the universe is change. The natural order of our world has taught us that the species that does not evolve dies out. We, too, must change or face stagnancy. As much as we like to blanket ourselves in comfort, we must force ourselves to grow consistently. Alter one aspect of your life with which you're dissatisfied. Give yourself a realistic time frame and stick to it. After you've made the change, reflect on it: Didn't it empower you? Now, what else would you like to improve? Aim to make new advancements, one at a time.

Everything eventually finds peace. Life comes in surges of joy and misery, and the bittersweet truth is that neither lasts forever. But when you're going through a rough patch, it sure does seem like eternity! And the happier moments appear fleeting. Rest assured that everything eventually finds peace. The sooner you confront your challenges with courage and without fear, the sooner the tranquil order of all things is restored.

We may learn these lessons through individual experience or by watching others pass through them. What's important is that we understand these wisdoms so as to elevate ourselves above our hardships and not bear the same burdens twice. What has life taught you so far?

To learning our lessons,
Alexandra Harra

5 Secrets Of People With Incredible Inner Strength

We all face adversity in one way or another. Some may have tougher obstacles than others, but regardless of the differences, we all share a universal human connection in the fact that we all must face challenges.

However, it's how we handle those challenges that determines how we move forward through the rest of our lives, says Piero Ferrucci, psychotherapist and author of Your Inner Will: Finding Personal Strength in Critical Times.

"Our will affects how we relate to others, what ideas we cultivate, what steps we take in our lives ... We need to make sure it's working well, otherwise we're in trouble," he tells The Huffington Post. "We need to build up this inner strength, because without it we may fall victim to circumstances. We risk having our lives run by other people or by chance."

Inner will, or the strength we have within ourselves to push us to new boundaries, is like a muscle that can be developed -- all it takes is a few small exercises, Ferrucci says. Below, find five tips on how to build up your inner strength.

Create a sacred space within yourself.
sitting in silence

A strong inner will allows you to deflect many stressful situations so you can make rational decisions, Ferrucci explains. Part of doing that is taking some time to find your center.

"You hear about the importance of finding a sacred space at home, but we also must learn to find a sacred sanctuary in ourselves," he says. "We make better decisions when we're more centered. One way we can do that is learning to breathe. I know it sounds obvious, but it's the simplest thing you can do [to feel balanced]." Ferrucci also suggests meditating or just immersing yourself in silence for a few moments in order to clear your head.

Open yourself up to challenging situations.
resilience

By putting ourselves outside of our comfort zone, we're automatically building up our resilience against the unfamiliar, Ferrucci says. "We should always be finding situations [in] which we can put our strength to good use," he explains. "Take a risk or do something that goes against your habits."

These acts of strength can be anything from making a difficult phone call to trying a new exercise. The point, Ferrucci says, is to do something you otherwise would've naturally postponed because you felt uncomfortable. "Think of a small act of courage you can make and then do it," he suggests. "Taking risks is a way to renew ourselves, break new ground and ultimately expand [our inner strength]."

Recall a time you've been strong in the past.
confident

Did you stand up for yourself in an argument? Did you spearhead an important project at work? Were you a rock for a friend in need? Chances are you've practiced inner strength in multiple aspects of your life, you just need help remembering them in order to cultivate the power to do it again.

"Even people who feel weak and anxious are usually able to find times in which they felt strong," Ferrucci says. "They used their inner power in a certain situation maybe even to their own surprise, and when they remember that, their attitude changes. A lot of us already have inner strength, we just forget that we have it."

Reflect on your good qualities.
483141609

We all have insecurities, but it's our good habits that make us stronger without even knowing it, Ferrucci says. Are you a supportive father? A fiercely loyal friend? Do you have a knack for directions? Those are all good qualities. "Make a list of all the things you like and you feel are well-developed about yourself," Ferrucci suggests. "If we don't think about those strengths, we forget about what makes us tough in the first place."

Take a break from distractions.
smartphone bed

The benefits to unplugging are seemingly endless, and, according to Ferrucci, a more mindful use of our devices can also help us build inner strength. By unplugging, he explains, we're taking a break from a "low-level addiction" we've developed to our phones. Every time we stray away from our urge to be connected just a little bit longer, we're sharpening our will. "Often our will is weak or absent because we're too distracted," he says. "I'm certainly not against technology, but we can postpone it. We can use that time to breathe and separate ourselves from our messages."

everydaytaichi INTRO / Novice students kick it up a notch by learning Yang 16 form, too!

Click here for more everydaytaichi INTRO / Novice students photos and videos.

everydaytaichi INTRO students on Thursdays at 9AM hit an all time high with over 40 students!
Click on the video below to hear how everydaytaichi student Stan Ishizaki encouraged others to stick with the program to learn tai chi.

Click here for more photos and videos for Thursday INTRO class finale.

everydaytaichi Monday evening class was very special because it included lucy's family.
Here they are:
My dad's youngest sister, Aunty Esther Chinn who is almost 90 years old; as well as lucy's 3 cousins...Pam Leong and her twin sisters, Laura Thue and Cheryl Bochentin.

everydaytaichi lucy's students have been learning tai chi for many years... some have been with her for almost 7 years! See how well they strike their tai chi pose!

In Spite of Hurriane Iselle's presence here in Hawaii, everydaytaichi ken at 4AM braved the storm and went fishing!!
Here is his catch on this stormy day!
Click here for more Fishing Tales.

21 Ways to Let Go and Free Yourself
Posted: 08/08/2014 8:32 am EDT Updated: 4 hours ago
"In the end, these things matter most: How well did you love? How fully did you live? How deeply did you let go?" -- Buddha

Therapists, coaches and yoga instructors love to tell us, "Just let go!" Sounds divine, yet ambiguous... What exactly is involved in the process of letting go? After 20 years of counseling clients and taking a stab or two at letting go of my own "stuff," I recommend the following strategies:

1. Detach from outcome and focus on the process. If your mind is obsessing about whether or not this is the person you are going to marry, for example, you are going to miss the enjoyment of courtship and that first kiss... Trust in the greater plan for your life and trust that things unfold over time as they should. Skip the urge to jump to the end of the story and enjoy the present moment.

2. Understand that the life you thought you would have may not be the life you will actually have. Many of us have a concept of who we are and how we think our life is going to go. The more we live, the more we learn that things don't always go as planned. Understand that not only is this okay, it might actually be better. Practice gratitude and trust in the process.

3. Don't hang your hat on expectations because this often leads to disappointment. Expectations have a way of keeping us in relationships or situations far too long, investing more and more in hopes to finally hit Pay Day. Expectations are not guarantees, rather they are markers. When our expectations or needs are not met, we need to take note, respond assertively and appropriately, and be flexible enough to change course if need be.

4. Break the barriers you've created for yourself that keep you imprisoned. We all have self-limiting beliefs. "I could never do that!" "I could never wear that!" "I could never earn that!" If you believe you won't, you won't. Expand your thinking and allow more into your life.

5. Relinquish control over others, for it's a false concept anyways. We only truly have control over our own thoughts, behaviors, choices, actions and decisions. Don't expend time and energy spinning your wheels on trying to change others.

6. Separate yourself from attachment to externals (possessions, beauty, titles, money, status, situation, etc.) Bring your attention to the internal, deeper, psycho-spiritual-relational process within. This will bring you peace, calm and serenity. When we focus on externals, enough is never enough.

7. Stop worrying about what other people think and commit to it as a way of life. While hanging onto your morale compass, free yourself from being consumed or controlled by the opinions of others. Choose to care more about how you feel about yourself than whether or not your neighbor approves. We are our happiest when we live our lives in a way that is aligned with our authentic selves.

8. Exhale. With an audible sigh, exhale through your mouth, releasing all you no longer want or need (i.e. anxiety, stress, guilt, shame, worry, etc.) Inhale deeply through your nose, drawing in all that you need (i.e. peace, strength, serenity, courage, love, etc.). Repeat this cycle, allowing your exhale to become longer and deeper than your inhale and notice your mind/body/spirit calm and relax.

9. Purge unnecessary belongings. Clear your home and office of any items you neither love nor use. Make space in your life for peace and joy.

10. Free yourself from toxic relationships. Assess your support network and have the courage to shift boundaries or even terminate relationships that are not good for you. Create space in your life for new and healthy relationships.

11. Exercise self-compassion. Did something dumb? Made a mistake? Join the club. We are human. Stop the self-flagellation and cut yourself some slack. Use the experience to learn and then move on.

12. Practice acceptance. Stop second-guessing the past. Cease wishing things were now the way they were once. Remove "shoulda, coulda, woulda" from your vocabulary. All things happen for a reason. Bring your attention to the present moment, for that is where life occurs.

13. Open your mind. Rigid, black-and-white thinking can keep us stuck. Free yourself by considering what you don't know and opening yourself up to new and unexpected possibilities.

14. Laugh at yourself, laugh at life and learn not to take it all too seriously. This will help you loosen your grip and relax into the ride of your life's journey.

15. Detach from fear. Fear causes us to move through life with clenched jaws, white knuckles, closed minds and guarded hearts. Most fears ultimately stem from the fear of death. The more you make peace with the fact that death is part of life, and choose to celebrate life rather than have fear monopolize it, the more you be able to mindfully unplug from the awesome and often irrational power of fear.

16. Release the feelings you store in your body through exercise. For example, run and imagine your feet are pounding out every bit of stress into the pavement. Whack the tennis ball and feel the release of the anger at your boss. Ride your bike and imagine with each rotation of the pedals you are cranking away your fears and limitations. Practice yoga for increase mind/body awareness and to recalibrate your life energy. A good massage and great sex are also positive ways to release energy stored in the body.

17. Express yourself. Find your voice and share your stories with people you love and trust; friends, family or a wonderful therapist. Journal or write creatively. Create art. Dance and move. Make music or sing. Cook or bake. Garden. Release and share the unique spirit of light and love inside of you.

18. Meditate. The practice of meditation will teach you how to separate from mind-chatter, find inner peace and reboot yourself for the day ahead. Life is easier and more manageable with a daily meditation practice, even for just a few minutes.

19. Process your grief. Whether you lost a loved one through death or a break-up, honor your loss. It is the "hanging on" that will continue the suffering. A love that is lost that is meant to be will come back if you let it go. Hanging on prevents you from moving forward.

20. Detach from your ego. Your ego is the false construct that you think is who you are -- aka your "mind." Don't expend energy defending yourself or taking things personally. Connect with your essence--the deeper entity that lies within (aka your authentic self or soul.)

21. Forgive. Resentment keeps you tethered to the past and prevents forward movement and growth. If for no other reason than yourself, forgive and let go.

May you let go of all that binds you & free yourself to live with a conscious mind, an open heart & a dancing spirit!

Summer classes are now in session.

NEW Fall session begins the week after Labor Day in September.

Summer session begins the week of September 7.

Registration is as follows:
August 25, Monday 6-8PM
August 26, Tuesday 2-5PM
August 27, Wednesday 2-5PM

For more info, email lucy at everydaytaichi@gmail.com
Click here for more info.

everydaytaichi lucy teaches Yang style tai chi at Kilauea District Park in Honolulu, Hawaii.

Three levels of classes are offered during the day and evening.

Throughout the year, everydaytaichi students also participate in community events as well as cultural exchanges.

everydaytaichi lucy as of March 2014 became a producer for Olelo, our local television station.

everydaytaichi lucy continues to fulfill her mission to also teach tai chi to all through ongoing presentations at various community events and organizations.

As everydaytaichi students you have the opportunity to learn to keep healthy, enjoy tai chi, make new friends, increase your computer skills, as well as share your tai chi to others in the community.

Watch everydaytaichi lucy online lessons throughout the day on Olelo's channels 49, 52, 53 and 54, 24/7.

Below is our weekly program schedule.

6 Signs You're A Truly Genuine Person
The Huffington Post      | By Alena Hall
Email
Posted: 07/29/2014 8:34 am EDT Updated: 07/31/2014 11:59 am
We can all agree that being fake is a negative thing -- no one wants to feel like they're being played by someone who is just acting, nor does anyone want to be known as someone who doesn’t live true to themselves. But what makes a person truly genuine?

Millennials in particular, who have matured in the age of social media, struggle to both pin down this personality trait and determine whether or not they possess it. They spend significant amounts of time curating the most share-worthy photos on Instagram, creating a summarized snapshot of their lives on Facebook, and posting descriptions of themselves on online dating websites. And as "real" as those shared moments may be, there is a selectivity involved in designing one's ideal self, rather than exposing all there is to bare.

In 2002, authenticity research pioneers Michael Kernis and Brian Goldman began studying the individual differences of sincere personalities, and defined authenticity as “the unimpeded operation of one’s true or core self in daily enterprise.” In order to assess whether a person is guided by his or her genuine sense of self, one must look past the profiles created and into the collection of thoughts, interactions and behaviors that fill each day. And while science has yet to map a single path to sincerity, there are some shared traits among people who are genuine and authentic.

Here are six signs you live life according to your true self.

1. You have high self-esteem.

confidence

Genuine people, by definition, have a good sense of self-esteem, says clinical psychologist Guy Winch, Ph.D., a HuffPost blogger and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts.

"Really, with self-esteem, it’s the ‘Goldilocks’ range: Too much is not good because that’s the narcissism range, that’s the arrogant, prideful range," Winch tells The Huffington Post. "Too little is not good; you want something solid in the middle. So genuine people are those who have solid self-esteem -- it’s solid, it’s consistent, it’s not brittle. And people who have solid self-esteem are much less defensive about things usually. They can feel authentic, they can be authentic, because they’re far less worried about the implications of exposing who they are, because they feel OK about who they are."

Research backs this up: In a 2008 study published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology, U.K.-based researchers explored the "authentic personality" and how other traits correlate with a person's sense of living genuinely. They found that people who expressed a high sense of authenticity also maintained higher levels of self-esteem.

2. You embrace vulnerability.

catch bubble

The psychological idea and societal construct of inner strength vary dramatically. Many cultures place great importance on maintaining defensive walls that hide or minimize personal weaknesses and imperfections, as a means of protecting oneself from harmful or unpleasant experiences. Science, on the other hand, supports using flexible coping mechanisms to face moments of discomfort -- opening oneself up to fears and failures in an attempt to learn and grow from them, rather than shut them out altogether. And it takes an authentic person with a solid foundation of self-esteem to be able to accomplish the latter.

"The stronger your self-esteem, the more able you are to admit that you’re failing, to receive criticism, to be able to receive negative feedback without it making you crumble," Winch says about the importance of maintaining such flexibility. "You can actually take on criticism, negative feedback, something not great about you, something that you don’t love about yourself, and it doesn’t really devastate you. It’s something you can admit, you can hope to work on or just take in, but it doesn’t affect your whole way of thinking about yourself."

3. You share your true thoughts, beliefs and opinions with the world.

gardening

Authentic people not only take the time to ponder their perspective on life and the experiences that led them there, but they easily share this "true self" with others around them. This outward expression is consistently characterized as an extroverted behavior in authenticity research. However, in a 2010 study published in the Journal of Personality, Wake Forest University psychologist William Fleeson established that both genuine introverts and extroverts alike feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, opinions and beliefs with the outside world.

“Authenticity is consistently associated with acting highly extraverted, even for those who characterize themselves as introverts,” said Fleeson in a statement. “Being flexible with who you are is okay. It is not denying or disrespecting who you are. People are often too rigid about how they are and stick with the comfortable and familiar. Adapting to a situation can make you more true to yourself in some circumstances.”

His research also revealed that being genuine consistently goes hand-in-hand with being emotionally stable and intellectual.

4. You openly give and receive compliments.

gratitude

Gratitude clearly flows in two directions: sometimes you give, and sometimes you receive. When it comes to the latter, Winch explains in his book Emotional First Aid that people with low self-esteem can sometimes struggle with accepting compliments. That's because they believe those compliments come attached to higher expectations from others, which results in feelings of stress. Those who are authentic and maintain a solid sense of self-esteem, on the other hand, don't view compliments with strings attached.

"You have to be able to see a compliment as just a compliment, and it takes a certain level of authenticity to receive that," Winch explains. "It’s about being able to take in and also give back in a way that’s unfiltered by all these kinds of other agendas."

When it comes to expressing gratitude to others, genuine people follow a similar path of not overthinking it.

"You want to reinforce people," he said. "It’s really merit-based. You’re doing it just because it's merited, and that comes across when you do it in a pure way, when you’re simply delighted that somebody did well and you compliment them."

5. You really listen -- and prefer deep conversations.

conversation

Genuine people find it easier to let go of distractions and focus intently in a conversation simply because they are truly interested in what the other person has to say. They aren't constantly checking their smartphone for text messages or letting their mind wander off to the day's to-do list. Everything else falls by the wayside.

According to a 2013 study conducted by psychological scientist Erin Heerey at Bangor University in Wales, others can tell when you are being genuine. The observational study paired strangers getting to know one another and monitored their reactions to any smile that was exchanged -- both genuine and polite. It found that the subjects responded much more quickly to genuine smiles than polite smiles, and viewed the genuine smiles a social reward to be valued.

"When we are authentic people and our self-esteem is strong, we are just much less burdened by agendas and baggage, and we can actually have a conversation that’s about the content of the conversation in a much purer way," adds Winch. "When people are authentic, there’s a certain purity to their interactions and conversations, and the conversations tend to be more interesting in terms of the content. You can get further, you can explore more, and you can discover more because it’s a much richer conversation."

6. You're driven by an inner voice rather than your surroundings.

reflection

One of the key components of authenticity is simply (or not so simply) knowing who you are and being comfortable with yourself. It requires taking the time to develop informed ideas about the things you care about, and not blindly adopting them from others around you. It is with this foundation that you are able to live those values -- stand behind them, represent them and feel strongly about them.

"When you have thought through what you think, what you feel, what’s important to you and why it’s important to you, that determines a certain sense of purpose and directive," says Winch. "We all have these operational directives -- we just don’t necessarily articulate them to ourselves. But if we look back on our behavior and examine what we do, why we do it , what we think, why we think it, we can figure out the principles that are driving us."

People who have really looked within to understand why they think and act the way they do are clearer about the principles -- and purposes -- that drive their lives, Winch adds. "It makes them proactive rather than reactive."

Aloha Friday turned out to be the end of a week but NOT the usual! everydaytaichi ken was stumped! He couldn't get to his morning hospital meeting, nor could he go to get more supplies to work on his rock wall repair, and he couldn't get to do his tai chi!
His Prius hybrid car battery went out, after 5 years. Here he is putting a brand new one in!
Because it's a keyless car he had to manually open the car trunk to take out the old battery and work on the new one. It's not an easy job, but ken makes it look easy. He must use his tai chi discipline to take his time and move one step at a time to accomplish this out of the ordinary task!
The slideshow below shows you the process of installing the 12 volt battery as well as putting things back in place. There are pictures of ken's first metric socket tool kit he bought in Australia in 1995 when we visited our daughter who took a year off after getting her Bachelor's degree and entering law school. Ken's love of tools, self reliance and detail is indeed a great combination that help him with his extensive projects.